THE BIG PICTURE…<\/mark><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n As the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein wisely said: \u201cThe limits of my language mean the limits of my world.\u201d If we don\u2019t have the language to describe things, we are not capable of understanding them. That, to me, is the foundation of Emotional Intelligence: understanding the human experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you can believe it, the term Emotional Intelligence was only coined in 1990<\/strong>!! Prior to that, there wasn\u2019t even a term for EQ, let alone much interest in it. And yet, as the guru and godfather of Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman discovered, your EQ is twice as likely to predict professional success as your IQ!! Why weren\u2019t we studying it before?! <\/p>\n\n\n\n Goleman literally wrote the book on Emotional Intelligence<\/a>. And thankfully, many others have since delved into the topic of emotions and feelings as well!<\/p>\n\n\n\n THE LANGUAGE OF EMOTIONS…<\/mark><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n It turns out that being able to name your emotions and feelings is critical to understanding and working through them. \u201cLanguage shows us that naming an experience doesn\u2019t give the experience more power, it gives us<\/strong> the power of understanding and meaning.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Isn\u2019t that impactful?! I think it\u2019s one of the key learnings about Emotional Intelligence \u2013 the power and importance of being able to name our emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As Bren\u00e9 Brown discussed with Dan Harris in this episode of the 10 Percent Happier podcast<\/a>, when asked what the consequences are of us not<\/strong> having the vocabulary of emotions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIn the research they refer to being able to, with nuance, name emotions as emotional granularity. And what we know is that if we can name something, or accurately label it, we are much more likely to be able to ask for what we need, move through it productively. In the case of positive emotion, we’re able to replicate and seek more of those experiences. {…} Language does not just communicate emotion. It *shapes* emotion.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I found this knowledge so intensely powerful!! <\/p>\n\n\n\n There are 7 basic human emotions – Joy, Surprise, Anger, Fear, Contempt, Disgust, Sadness – and exponentially more feelings and emotions in each of those categories. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Susan David wrote a brilliant book, Emotional Agility<\/a>, on just this topic. And Bren\u00e9 Brown has written a book to map out 87 emotions and feelings \u2013 a sort of emotional dictionary, if you will. It\u2019s called Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience<\/a>. As with everything Brown writes, it is brilliant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And yet, the crazy reality is that most people cannot name their emotions. Despite there being 7 basic human emotions, the average number of emotions people can name is three<\/strong>! Clearly there is work to do in teaching and learning about emotions and feelings!<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe asked participants in the training workshops to list all of the emotions that they could recognize and name as they were experiencing them\u2026 The average number of emotions named across the surveys was three. The emotions were happy, sad, and angry.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n How colourless must life be with only three emotions?!?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n THE FEELINGS WHEEL…<\/mark><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n As a visual learner, I love the Feelings Wheel for demonstrating the emotional granularity of those 7 basic human emotions. Each of the basic emotions contains multiple more nuanced emotions and they are shown here:<\/p>\n\n\n\n I find this really useful to use with clients to drill down into what they are feeling. Having that emotional granularity really does help inform how to process and work through their emotions and feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n BEFRIENDING YOUR INNER VOICE…<\/mark><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n There is research that shows that \u201coften what predicts how we feel at any given moment in time is not what we\u2019re actually doing, but it\u2019s the thought streaming through our head.\u201d This is another reason to become more self-aware: becoming more conscious of our thoughts allows us to also have more control over our emotions! <\/p>\n\n\n\n And while many believe that the ultimate goal of self-awareness and emotional intelligence is happiness, it is in fact not possible or even necessary to ignore the perceived \u201cnegative\u201d emotions. Given that 5 of the 7 basic human emotions are \u201cnegative\u201d (and Surprise can actually go either way, so it could even be 6!), clearly those emotions are critical to our development and survival.\u00a0 REACT VS RESPOND…<\/mark><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n One aspect of emotions and feelings that is so key is differentiating between reacting vs responding<\/a>. A picture is worth a thousand words as they say, and this picture describes it perfectly:<\/p>\n\n\n\n That pause allows us to choose our response, instead of reacting without thought. And that is one of the key elements of emotional intelligence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/jnhcoaching.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/EMOTIONAL-INTELLIGENCE-684x1024.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/jnhcoaching.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/EMOTIONAL-AGILITY-680x1024.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/jnhcoaching.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/ATLAS-OF-THE-HEART-865x1024.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/jnhcoaching.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Feelings-Wheel.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
As Shakespeare said, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.<\/em>” Turns out, he was right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As this episode of the Hidden Brain podcast on\u00a0Befriending Your Inner Voice<\/a>\u00a0so accurately states:\u00a0
\u201cExperiencing negativity and negative emotions isn\u2019t something that we want to shy away from. Many scientists believe that negative emotions are functional when experienced in the right dosage. We evolved the capacity to experience shame, regret, anger, sadness, you fill in your favourite negative emotion, for a reason. They prepare us for dealing with that situation that we\u2019re managing, and they often serve as cues to say, \u2018Hey, you need to focus here so you don\u2019t repeat this mistake again.\u2019 So we don\u2019t want to rid ourselves of negativity, what we do want is to figure out how to prevent those small spikes of negative emotions from morphing into chatter.\u201d<\/em>
The interview describes \u201cchatter\u201d as a term that refers to getting stuck in a negative thought loop. Compare this to \u201crumination\u201d which tends to be dwelling on the past, and \u201cworry\u201d which is more about what is happening in the future or present. The common theme however is negative circularity.\u00a0
We need to be aware of our thought patterns in order to control our emotions and feelings!<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/jnhcoaching.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/HIDDEN-BRAIN-1024x936.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/jnhcoaching.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/REACT-VS-RESPOND.png\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/jnhcoaching.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/LOOKING-FOR-JANE-685x1024.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n![\"signature\"](\"https:\/\/jnhcoaching.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/Julia.Signature.png\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/jnhcoaching.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/2023.05.05-Feelings-Emotions-1-1-1024x311.png\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n