PERFECTIONISM

Hello Friends!

I wrote a newsletter about perfectionism a few years ago, and it is probably the newsletter I link and share most often. Perfectionism is such a prevalent and persistent challenge for so many of us, and it impacts us in so many different ways! For example, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve almost not published social media posts because I don’t think they are perfect. And interestingly, those posts tend to be the ones that get the most engagement. Coincidence or conspiracy? 😉

If you’re wondering why I’m writing about perfectionism again, it’s because the topic keeps finding me! So I thought we could delve into where it comes from and how perfectionism hinders more than helps us. Evidently, it is a common trait that many ambitious and goal-oriented leaders share. What’s that about?! 

Let’s explore.

NEW YEAR, NEW YOU = YOU ARE NOT PERFECT...

A lot of the messaging at this time of year centres around “new year, new you” – the idea that you need to reinvent yourself, to be better. Now you *know* I’m a huge fan of growth, improvement, and development. Not so much a fan of putting people down in order to get them to do so, however!

Which is why this quote from one of my new favourite Substack newsletters really resonated: 

So, we’re not starting over just because it’s January. Nope – we’re beginning again, armed with everything we’ve learned along the way.”
~ Nadine Araksi

Now this is a perspective that I can get behind! I’m great the way I am, *and* there is also always room for growth. This fits far better with my favourite Simon Sinek quote:

Better is better than best. And definitely better than perfect!

PERFECTIONISM SELLS…

As Dr. Jen Douglas wrote in a recent Instagram post, “Who is benefiting from my perfectionism?” Hmm interesting question, Dr. Douglas. I’d never actually thought about it. I would have guessed that *I* was? But no – if you dig a little deeper, you can see that feeling imperfect is a powerful motivator to be a consumer.

Now that I routinely ask myself this question, I recognize just how much it applies to so many aspects of society. Let’s face it, “if tomorrow, women woke up and decided they really liked their bodies, just think how many industries would go out of business.” ~ Dr. Gail Dines

PERFECTIONISM LIMITS YOU…

For many of us, one of our aims is to be authentic. To be our real selves. Our whole selves. And to be comfortable doing and being so!

Perfectionism is the antithesis of authentic though, as Charles Duhigg points out in his brilliant book, Supercommunicators:

“The aim is not to say the exact right thing, or to arrive at the perfect insight. Perfection can’t be the goal, ‘because if you’re trying to say the perfect thing, nothing authentic is going to happen.’”
(The quote is from Wade Davis of Netflix’s Inclusion Strategy Team).

I’d never really thought about it from this perspective, but it makes complete sense. Being authentic, and being focused on being perfect are mutually exclusive goals! So we need to make the choice which one is going to drive us. Because as my friend Tina wisely said to me recently, 

Trying to be perfect doesn’t give you any growth.” !!!

PERFECTIONISM CAN HARM YOUR CAREER…

One of my most favourite resources is the Ask A Manager website. Alison Green, a senior HR consultant writes a brilliant column on all things work-related. Her post on “How to fight perfectionism and call a project complete” is excellent, and shows how getting stuck on being perfect can really harm your career goals too.

As Green writes, 

perfectionism is a real problem if it causes you to spend far longer on something than most people would find reasonable, and especially when it interferes with your ability to juggle other priorities.” 

In the article, she gives five steps to stop agonizing over whether things are perfect and get on with things.

WHAT I’M READING…

You know how you see people recommending a book all over the place but somehow don’t even know what the story is about?? That was the case with Yellowface for me. The book was *everywhere* and yet I didn’t have a clue what the story might be. 

So when I saw it at the library right before the holidays, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to crack it open and find out! [Sidebar: why do so many books these days have only praise on the back cover?! I want to know what the book is about! The praise is pretty irrelevant to me. The plot of the book is not.]

Yellowface is the story of June, an unsuccessful and frustrated writer, who takes / borrows / steals the unpublished manuscript of her very successful friend Athena, upon Athena’s unexpected death. I really enjoyed the different layers to this novel. The story of those small decisions that seem somewhat innocuous when viewed individually, but ladder up to something egregious. [Is there a bad decision equivalent to a white lie? 🤔 ]  The story of cultural appropriation and who has the “right” to certain narratives. The story of what it takes to be a successful published author. The story of friendship. And the story of what it means to be honest with yourself about your values, your ideals, and your ambition.

I think this would make a great book club discussion book – I would love to talk through a lot of these perspectives and think it would be quite fascinating to explore everyone’s interpretations of June’s story and decision trajectory. 

Really enjoyed this, and am glad I picked it up! 😊

[A personal appeal from me: despite the links, please do support your local book store or library if you can!]

Ironically, I almost trashed this whole newsletter, uncertain if it was “good enough” to send. Perfectionism is everywhere, and it really does hinder us in so many ways! So in that very spirit, I’m hitting publish and letting this out into the world whether it is perfect or not. 😉 I hope you enjoy it!

Have a wonderful week!

Be emotional. Stay healthy.

Hugs,

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P.S.      This newsletter was entirely researched, planned, and written by me. No ghost writers and no A.I. As such, all opinions and errors are mine and mine alone.

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